YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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