Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
