He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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