he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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