umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
