A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
