but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
