We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
