Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
