that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
