God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This girl is more easily done than said...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
