Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
