Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
