Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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