So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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