Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
