There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
