lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They have beer where we have blood.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
