Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
