my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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