mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
