ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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