You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
