HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
