allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
