he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
