went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
