I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
