wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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