I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
