Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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