oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
