please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
