they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
