if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
