the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
