careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
