can u get pink eye on your cock?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
