Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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