youre lurking in front of me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
