no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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