shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
