That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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