I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
