If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
