i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
