To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
