party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have tasted many bathrooms
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
