There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
