her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
