can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I touched a dick in church today
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
