24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
